My mentor asked me to give him my completed MSS. My 2nd book had dealt with relationships and my growth into awareness as a woman. This was the first time he’d asked me. I was very excited when he did. The poems I’d read him, he’d given me some suggestions on shifting a word or two and I liked his suggestions. Little did I know, he’d see a whole new approach and how valuable this would be to my writing and to my process to taking my ideas to a new level of discourse.
In a sense, he’d seen what I’d wanted my former lovers to see…the torment that women have gone through the ages and to see how challenging it is to be a women who writes…that is, has something to say that is impactful. What I realize now is that I didn’t see this in my own writing. I felt it; I knew it; but I couldn’t get past my own story and perceptions of the meaning of the poetry to serve as an outside connection to other literary giants, such as Shakespeare. I could use their ideas, but I couldn’t dialogue. My mentor saw how deep Lady Macbeth’s voice was in my poems. Using her as an unseen foundation to the poetic schema of the collection changed everything.
My struggle began. I recognized how beneficial this would be; I’d get out of the “pilgrim” theme and more importantly, the personal relationships I’d written about would be freed. They would have no more meaning to me except to the art and design of the book. Lady Macbeth’s introduction into the play starts with clarity and power. The beginning of my writing journey was anything but clear, yet by delving into the depths of my psychology I discovered a subversive power that required rising. Rethinking this MSS required rethinking me. My challenge was to get out of the chronological thinking and to weave in the song of Lady Macbeth with my own song and to see the harmony within our voices. No longer is a “journey” motif. No longer is this time bound nor ordered by the lovers that influenced me. This was something else, something darker and lighter than I’d seen within my writing.
I am in process. After my friend Georgina posted a video on the “Fool” archetype on Creative Heart Writing; I felt resistance to this process and began to see how easily it is to get side tracked. Even with writing this, I choose to do a few things prior to this. I’m breaking out of the narrative I’ve been living in and the exercise give by Georgina showed me about my writing tendencies and even believes I have about honoring my writing. I am aware of the difference, when I need a break to think, to connect to an inner space vs. procrastinating. I’m even now hyper aware of how tangible resistance shows up when consciously stepping out of a narrative to build a new one that’s indigenous to my soul. Whoa, “indigenous”…this is an unexpected word. I’m witnessing my “happening” transformational process.